i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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