a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
God, I missed his penis.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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