i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
