You're so nebulous sometimes
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
