If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
