I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
