Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
