Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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