I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
