he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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