I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
