I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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