after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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