I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
