You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
