i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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