So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
