She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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