imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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