From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
