Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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We have started to decorate penises.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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