I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
