A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
