You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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