you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My vagina just recognized that song.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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