OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
