i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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