everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
