I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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