I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
