I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
