I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
