oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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