so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
