Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
