Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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