So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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