So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
