Nicole vs. Life
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
