I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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