fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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