I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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