burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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