Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
