i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
