I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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