people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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