Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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