please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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