i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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