She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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