I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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