so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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