I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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