Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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