I bet he comes in French.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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