he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
