And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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