At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
