You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
